Man) This is me, chadwick williams.
And I am...
I'm writing a book...
about the lives of the many men that I have met.
Black men...
very much like myself.
Some not.
Black men whose voices are muted,
swept under the carpet,
silenced by secrecy.
The dl man blurs the lines between
an otherwise supposed clear distinction
between gay and straight,
normal and abnormal,
moral and immoral...
like a child joining two bloodlines:
One dirty...
and one clean.
Black men caught somewhere in between
a definition and a designation.
Living in a gray area.
Living on the downlow.
Male singer) ...qualified to sing my life chronicles...
...than me...
...who better, more qualified...
...to sing my life... ...sing my life, sing my life...
...sing my life, sing my life...
In every person, there lives two possible selves:
The lead and the understudy.
The understudy hides in the shadows,
while the lead takes center stage
and does everything it can to get an applause.
But after the bows are taken
and the lights go down,
the understudy takes the stage
and performs to an empty room...
hoping,
and no one can hear.
...trance)
Oh, shit.
Are you okay, sir?
Mm-mm.
He did that mess on purpose. Shirley.
- I, uh... um... - y eah, uh...
no, no, no. Don't even try it.
We got cameras all up and through here.
Sir?
I'm fine, but I think
those boxes are gonna sue.
What happened?
I was trying to get this last box of protein calcium plus,
- in that pyramid of giza you got there. - Sorry about that.
I new that display was dangerous.
But, you know, they wouldn't listen to me.
Well, tell your manager he needs to scrap the pyramid.
- I am the manager. - He is the manager.
Shirley, go back to the register.
How about I write you out a voucher
for some free protein plus?
That would be great.
- Name? - Robert hall.
Williams) Meet robert hall.
Okay, robert.
I'll leave my number on here
so...
you can check back with me
and see when we have them in.
Okay.
My name is austin, by the way.
Okay, austin.
I'll give you a call.
Computer dings)
Computer beeps)
Hello.
I'm here.
This is crazy, man.
I would never have thought.
Chuckles)
I have been thinking about calling you all week,
but I didn't know if I was imagining things.
It was a total come-on,
but I though I was barking up the wrong tree.
Stand up. Let me see you.
Mmm.
Y ou should come see it in person.
Where do you live?
The oakwood apartments.
Chuckles)
I know where that is, but I don't know.
Knocking on door)
Uh...
just a second.
- Hey. - What are you doing?
Uh, checking my email.
Oh. Well, dinner's ready.
Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
My client invited me to his tv show taping tonight.
Oh, can I come with?
He only gave me one pass.
Iook, I'm gonna be late. Keep the dinner warm for me?
- Hey. - Oh, shit.
Both chuckle)
- That was fast. - Y eah.
Why'd you come through the back?
Well, I knocked on the front door, and nobody answered.
I saw the side gate open,
so I thought you might be back here.
All right. Uh,
I was just about to put the trash out.
- Um... - okay.
- Come in. - Thanks.
Damn.
...tribal groove)
That's my ex.
I figured.
Can I get you something to drink?
Uh, I have...
orange juice, root beer...
look, do you mind
if we just skip the formalities and...
oh, man. Um...
it's not that kind of party.
I just don't hop into bed with strangers.
What about all that talk on the computer?
I do a lot of things over the computer.
So what, you're ready to leave now?
I'll have some water.
Coming up.
I hear an accent there. Where you from?
- Belize. - Ah, belize.
How old are you, belize?
Chuckles)
25. I'll be 26 in august.
Water pouring)
Are you openly gay?
Everyone thinks I'm straight.
But I'll tell the truth if you ask me.
- Y ou? - What about me?
Age? Occupation? Openly gay?
Sigh)
Well, I'm older than you.
I'm a talent agent.
Like for porn stars?
Chuckles)
No...
I represent real union actors.
Okay.
What about the last part?
Well, I'm, um...
mr. Ordinary.
"Mr. Ordinary."
Y eah, you know,
go to work, come home...
all the stuff that ordinary people do.
I'm just a man.
Oh, I can't deal with dudes like you.
What do you mean?
Like the ones you see on oprah,
with a dick in one hand and a wedding ring on the other.
Iook...
I didn't come here to talk politics.
Y ou didn't come here to talk at all.
- True that. - Chuckling)
What?
Can I kiss you?
Y eah.
Wow.
Y ou act like it's your first time.
It felt that way.
Whispering) Damn.
It's tempting.
But mind if we take it slow?
No.
Woman) Unfortunate.
He loves me. I love him.
But I just need some space.
I need to make my own decisions.
And that's my problem.
I don't know who the fuck I am.
Scene.
Very good range.
Did you leave us a copy of your headshot and resume?
- Y es, outside. - Good.
Robert, is there anything you want to add?
Oh. Oh, that was really great work.
Um...
good scene.
Thanks for coming in.
Thank you.
Mmm, mmm, damn.
- Put a plate on it. - Mmm.
So, where you been at today, man?
Chuckles) I think he got pussy on the mind.
No audible dialogue)
Uh, I'm gonna take an early lunch.
Have all my calls forwarded to my cell phone.
Excuse me.
I'll call you back.
Iouder) Excuse me.
Hold on.
I need my parking ticket validated.
- Y eah, sorry about that. - Where are you going?
Oh, where is the bass in your voice?
Where is the missing track from your weave?
- Oh, really? - Y eah, I said it. What?
- Excuse me. - And what's with the neck?
- Y es. - I'm looking for your manager austin.
Uh-uh, you did not just reach across my counter.
Y ou ain't got no case, okay?
Everybody up in here saw you
pulling boxes down on top of yourself.
Sigh)
Manager to the register, please.
Manager to the reg...
just running up the front.
Okay.
- What are you doing here? - I don't really know.
I've been thinking about you all day.
I wanted to come by and see you.
- Can you take a break? - Y eah.
Door bangs)
Doorbell dings)
Y ou did not just get finished doing the nastiness
with shady mclawtime.
Oh. Did you disinfect?
'Cause that's just nasty.
...I am mr. Ordinary...
...my name is mr. Ordinary...
...but you can call me mr. Ordinary...
...I am mr. Ordinary...
...my name is mr. Ordinary...
...but you can call me mr. Ordinary...
...ordinary...
...I be starin' in the mirror...
...for a leave, reprieve...
...continues indistinct) - Chattering indistinct)
Ain't that shady mclawtime?
Oh, hide before he sees us.
...I jiggle my last 50 cents...
...and didn't even bother...
...'cause we're ordinary, ordinary...
...wake up, wake up...
...continues indistinct)
...don't hesitate to ask if you need some more...
mm-mmm. This fool is on the dl.
Oh, no. Boo-boo!
- Shirley! - Excuse...
do not make a scene.
I am trying to save a sister.
- Let me handle this, please. ...I am mr. Ordinary...
...my name is mr. Ordinary...
y ou're gonna call him?
Y ou're good.
- But I was thinking about... - cell phone rings)
Oh, hold on.
Hello?
Hey, pal.
- Austin? - Y eah.
I was thinking about you
and wanted to hear your voice.
- Oh. - Where are you?
I hear a lot of noise.
Uh, I'm having lunch right now.
Who is that?
Listen, uh, can I call you back?
Ask him to say your name.
- Who was that? - Never mind.
Iook, I'll talk to you later, all right?
All right.
- Phone beeps) - Who was that?
Oh, just a client.
Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.
- What are you doing? Give me the phone. - Shirley. Shirley.
- Oh. - Shirley, don't...
- excuse me! - Shirley!
- No, no, no. Excuse me! - Shirley!
Shirley) Boo-boo!
Hi, honey! No, no, no.
- Shirley... - hey, look at you!
- Indistinct) - Austin.
Shirley) y ou're busted right now. Y ou were gonna say something?
- Hi. - Y eah.
Um, rhonda...
rhonda, this is austin, my new client.
And his friend...
- shirley. - Shirley.
It is so nice to meet you.
Shirley, austin, I'd like for you to meet my daughter...
rhonda.
Y our... y our daughter?
Y eah.
Oh.
It's nice to meet you both.
Girls chuckling)
Robert) y eah, we decided to spend the day together.
She goes back to school in a few days.
I've been neglecting her, so...
oh...
I mean, oh. Wow.
Wow, yeah.
Okay. Um...
nice meeting you, rhonda.
- Y eah. Chuckles) - Y eah.
We were just on our way
over to the, uh...
jivin' juice.
It's hot.
Okay. Okay, um...
Iook, give me a call. I got a couple of auditions
lined up for you for next week.
- I will. - Okay.
Y ou guys have fun.
Thanks.
Y ou just made a complete fool of yourself.
Both chuckling)
I saw that look on your face.
I knew exactly what you were thinking.
- So she has no idea, huh? - Hm-mmm.
And I made her mother promise to never tell her.
So you're divorced?
Three years this july.
Because you're gay?
I'm not gay.
Okay, um...
sorry. Because you prefer dick.
- Chuckling) - Sigh)
I started dating rhonda's mother
to keep up appearances.
Then we got pregnant.
Her parents pressured us into getting married.
But before we did,
I told her what the deal was.
What did she say?
Well, she wasn't exactly happy to hear it.
But she believed... I believed that...
she could convert me.
Chuckles)
- That I could be healed. - Hmm.
And you never asked yourself,
"why do I keep looking at that man's ass?"
Both laughing)
Then one day...
one of my very fine, ambiguously gay clients
invited me out on a boat trip.
But I knew that, if I went out on that boat,
I was gonna end up sleeping with a dude.
- So I told my wife. - What?
She cried. I cried.
And we split up.
Till this day, rhonda doesn't know why.
Are you ever gonna tell her?
No.
Why?
'Cause I don't wanna lose her.
I want you to come to dinner.
Me? Why?
So she can get used to you being around.
That way I won't have to hide you.
So you want me to play the client.
Just until she goes back to school.
- Oh, man. I don't know. - Look...
I really like you.
Y ou're the first man that I've ever been with
that I didn't immediately run away from.
I want...
I don't know.
Y es, you do.
I wanna be with you.
Only I don't know how.
Let's just take it one step at a time.
Okay?
Okay.
Y ou know...
technically...
we're not strangers anymore.
So?
Chuckles) So?
...oh, how I need you so much...
...continues indistinct)
...I need to feel your touch...
...craving your touch...
...saving my love...
...for the next time...
...when I'm yours and you're mine...
...baby, it's the real thing...
...exciting...
...when we...
...made up that night...
...two sparks ignite...
...continues indistinct)
...all I need is your love...
...I need you so much...
...continues indistinct)
Chuckling)
Shall we say grace?
Dear lord, we ask that you bless this food
- and keep it safe for the... - amen.
...for the nourishment of our bodies.
And bless this new union, lord,
between daddy and austin.
May they find success in all business endeavors.
In your name, we pray. Amen.
Shall we eat?
So, austin...
um, did you...
study acting?
Or are you a model turned actor?
Busted.
Well, can you actually act?
Because I'm tired of all you pretty boys
taking away the parts from good, bona fide talent
of course he can act. That's why I signed him.
Well, you sure do have the looks.
Thanks.
So, austin, do you have a girlfriend?
Rhonda, why don't we let him eat?
No, that's all right.
Well, see...
I'm seeing someone,
uh, but...
I'm not sure where it's going.
Chuckles) Well, if she
doesn't work out... chuckles)
I'll keep you in mind.
That wine's got me a little woozy.
- Are you okay to drive? - I'm cool. I'm cool.
- Y eah? Okay. - Thanks.
- Let me go get your coat. - Okay.
Here you go.
Oh, you're too kind.
Rhonda, thank you for dinner.
- Well, good luck with your career. - Thank you.
I'm sure I'll see you again.
Come on, I'll walk you out.
Bye.
- Shirley) austin? - Y eah.
I need to get off by 6 tonight.
Not tonight, shirley. I need you for inventory.
Please, austin. Please.
- I got tickets to summer jam. - Thank you.
No way.
Shirley) That's messed up.
See, I wouldn't do you like that.
Y es, you would.
Y ou're doing it right now by trying to duck out on inventory.
Shirley) Just evil.
Hello.
Hi.
Hey.
Fancy meeting you here. Nervous laugh)
So this is your regular gig.
Huh? Oh, yeah.
Y eah. Hey,
gotta eat.
Um...
can I ask you a question?
Y eah.
Um...
are... are you and my dad, like, a thing?
I'm sorry, I don't know what...
come on, austin. Don't make this any harder than it already is.
Are you and my dad dating?
I think, uh, this is a conversation
you should be having with your father.
I don't know how to talk to him.
He's so closed off to me.
Rhonda, I don't think now is a good time.
When will be a good time? After he moves you in?
Y ou know he'll never admit this to me.
He will, when he's ready.
So, has...
he always been gay?
I don't know much more than you do.
Has he slept with you?
Wow.
Okay.
Are you all right?
No, I'm not all right.
Thank you, austin.
I'm sorry, I didn't...
oh, that... lt's okay.
It's okay.
- Doorbell dings) - I have to go to lunch.
I was afraid you didn't get my message.
Why did you tell rhonda I was gay?
What? I didn't say that.
What did you say?
Robert, she came in the store and confronted me.
It was like she already knew.
No she suspected. She didn't know.
I'm sorry.
I mean, what was I supposed to say?
Lie! Shit!
Now I'm fucked!
- She just needs some time. - Look, you don't have children, okay?
She's never gonna look at me the same.
All she's gonna do is think about what I do.
What we do.
Y ou embarrassed of us?
My daughters love and respect...
is all that matters to me.
Why did you do this to me?
What happened to one step at a time?
This wasn't premeditated.
It was never my intention to...
y ou know, you're immature.
Y ou think like a child.
What the hell was I thinking, huh?
That's why I don't mess with faggoty-ass queens like you.
Y ou run your mouth like a bitch.
Okay.
Y ou can leave now.
Good.
It's over.
Do you want some company?
I think we should talk.
Can't even find the words to say.
Just say it.
Y ou don't get to tell me what to do.
How long have you had this?
Jesus, you make it sound like it's a disease.
It's not something you can catch, rhonda.
How long?
My whole life, I guess.
I am so stupid.
I always thought you never had another woman after mom,
because you still had feelings for her.
I felt sorry for you.
Do you have any idea what it's like for me?
Did you ever stop to think about what I'm going through?
What about me, dad.
I always considered you.
That's why I lied. I lied to protect you.
No, you lied to protect yourself.
If that's true, then why don't you just say,
"It's okay, dad. I accept you"?
Because it's not okay.
It's not that I have a problem with gays,
it's the fact my dad is.
Well, this is who I am, rhonda.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what else to say.
...I'm fightin' hard to find...
...the words to say...
...I've been so lost...
I'm trying...
...to find my way...
...'cause I am a man...
...I am a man...
...I am a tree...
...rooted in sorrow...
...grounded in pain...
...so tragic in ways...
...but I am a smile...
...waiting for laughter...
...waiting for someone...
...I've yet to be...
...don't wanna feel like you...
...might be too late...
...I'm fighting hard to find...
...the road to take...
...fades)
Shirley) I didn't really miss much at summer jam.
And you're lucky. I didn't go.
Because we spent the whole time driving around
trying to find parking, so...
austin) Y ou weren't gonna go anyway.
- Y eah, whatever. - Just put it there. I wanna go home.
- There. - Shirley, that's uneven.
It's not gonna stay up there.
Y ou do it.
Y ou need to stop building these lawsuit displays.
I'm exorcising my demons.
And I don't remember asking you for an opinion.
Oh, no, no, no. See, not an opinion.
Cause the next time some fool comes in here
and reaches for a bottle of echinacea,
it's gonna be murder she wrote.
Y ou need to listen to what I have to say.
She does have a point.
I've got the bruises to prove it.
- Robert. - I was gonna call you...
oh, it's cool. I understand.
I'm over it all. Really.
...about the voucher.
The protein plus.
Oh, um... we don't have them in stock yet.
I decided I didn't want the protein plus anymore.
I was wondering if I could switch it for something else.
- Like what? - Y ou.
Shirley) Oh!
Hell, no!
Coming up in here with that okey-doke mess.
- No! Uh-uh! What? - Shirley...
y ou think somebody's supposed to take your mess...
- what? - Calm down.
Scoffs)
Man, I have work to do.
So, if you don't mind...
can I have another chance?
Can we try again?
I don't think so.
Okay, um...
I thought I would just give it a try.
- Good riddance. - Shirley, mind your own business.
Y ou never said you were sorry.
Y ou can't tell?
I need you to say it.
I'm sorry for saying for what I said.
I was stupid and upset,
'cause I wasn't man enough to admit what is so obvious.
What's that?
That I'm falling in love with you.
And I don't care who knows.
Dude, I think you might be gay.
Chuckles)
...y ou most certainly have been made for me...
strange.
...so glad finally love's callin'...
williams) Robert discovered that,
when it came down to a choice
between the real thing and the generic,
though the generic is cheaper, more accessible,
it has no identity.
It was always be a blue label.
It never works as well,
tastes as good
or measure up to the real thing.
...y ou most certainly have been made for me...
...so glad finally love's callin'...
...feels so heavenly fallin' down on me...
...this time, he's definitely receiving...
closed-captioned by j.r. Media services, Inc. Burbank, ca
...and you're the best thing...